Hoon and Hewitt’s helping hand

The first PMQs of the New Year were a more than averagely raucous affair.  The Prime Minister was on slightly better form than usual, although not so outstandingly sparkling as to merit the Labour cheers and cries of “More!” that greeted his characteristically clunky joke:

The Prime Minister: The right hon. Gentleman talks about love and marriage, when he is the person who cannot give a straight answer on the married couples allowance: he cannot say, “I do,” or “I don’t,” when it comes to the married couples allowance.

Certainly, by Gordon’s standards it was good, but Dorothy Parker it wasn’t.  Nevertheless, his backbenchers rolled around, seemingly helpless with laughter.  Labour-watchers from the Tory side of the chamber, however, could see that the hilarity was fairly obviously orchestrated by the whips, who were dotted strategically around the Government benches.  Indeed, the loudest cheers and most vigorous order paper-waving were concentrated around the PM’s enforcer-in-chief, Chris Evans lookalike Ian Austin, who sat smirking on the extreme right of the back benches.

Something was up, and before too long we knew what: the vibrating BlackBerries informed us that “Geoff Hoon and Patricia Hewitt to make statement about Gordon Brown’s leadership after PMQs”.

It turned out that Hewitt and Hoon had written to the entire Parliamentary Labour party noting that it was “deeply divided over the question of the leadership” and urging a secret ballot on whether to hold a leadership contest.  The noise from the Labour benches was a whips’ exercise designed to bolster the PM at what must have been a more than anxious moment.

At the time of writing, all members of the cabinet appear to have come out in support of Brown, though David Miliband and Harriet Harman were somewhat tardy in pledging their fealty.  The repercussions of Hoon and Hewitt’s helpful intervention, however, will rumble on for some while yet; they have confirmed openly that the Labour party is divided and politicians know that people tend not to vote for divided parties.  That will unsettle Labour even more.

At the height of the ersatz Labour merriment, the Speaker felt obliged to rise to his feet and remonstrate that “we are not on the hustings now”.

Actually, he was quite wrong.  At least, so far as the Parliamentary Labour party was concerned.